How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman: advice from a psychologist. How to love yourself - advice from a psychologist How a woman can love herself what to do advice

Recently a woman came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, makes a good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?”. I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how a bad attitude towards oneself, self-rejection, self-criticism negatively affect people's lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.

To love or not to love… that is the question!

I fully share the point of view that the better a person treats himself, the more chances he has to become successful and achieve his goals. Having a good attitude towards yourself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. To love yourself means to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you, to feel confident and your own attractiveness, to respect yourself and your desires, to carry a positive charge felt by the people around you.

Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to a lowered mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, so a common problem for such people is , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-loathing is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one's appearance, lack of faith in oneself, constant tension and a sense of one's own worthlessness.

What does it mean to love yourself?

It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as a person, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one's Ego to others.

The main desire!

As soon as you decide to change the attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will begin. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. Love yourself instantly, with a wave of a magic wand, you will not succeed. Making adjustments to your appearance is quick and easy, but truly accepting and loving your inner world can be very difficult. The process of self-acceptance takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and on your willingness to change. So where do you start?

Take care of your appearance

Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - this is your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly associated with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, it can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many shortcomings in appearance can be easily corrected by the right choice of clothes that suit your figure, the use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to keep an eye on your appearance at all times - you do not have to be dressed in the latest fashion in trendy clothes. The main thing is that it should be clothes that you like and add self-confidence, and your overall appearance is neat and well-groomed. Take the extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and tidy your shoes before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose a pleasant aroma for yourself that will inspire you. Do not neglect accessories: a beautiful watch or a handy handbag will once again evoke positive emotions in you, uplifting your mood and adding self-confidence.

Your mood and way of thinking determines your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world around you. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Tune in a positive way, learn to enjoy the little things and the world will sparkle for you with bright colors (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« » ).

Follow your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I'm so ugly”, “I'm so fat, I'm just awful”, “I'm a loser, I will never succeed”, etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”

Move forward, don't stay in one place too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or refresher courses). Find an activity or hobby that you love that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and reward yourself for any, even the most insignificant achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Pay special attention to your strengths - use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to find advantages in yourself, ask your friends and relatives for help. Ask them to make a list of your positives. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - others will surely find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to treat criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.

Accept your past

Very often, dissatisfaction with yourself can be related to what you are experiencing. for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as an invaluable experience that made you stronger, allowed you to become what you are now. The very realization of a perfect mistake is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to dwell on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in my present and future life (I wrote about how to accept my past in the article« » ).

Listen to your desires

Allow yourself to do what you want and like. We are not talking about any illegal actions or asocial acts. I mean inner freedom, the ability to choose, listen to yourself, and not be led by others. When doing something, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy something not quite necessary in a store, you do it voluntarily, ornot to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really feel like it, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it's important to notice them. Doing something against your will or violating your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop inner sensitivity and the ability to hear your inner voice (I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).

Surround yourself with nice people

Think about the people around you. How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure and satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to keep contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positive, from whom you want to take an example and change for the better.

No need to look for a reason to love yourself!If you want to be a happy person - be one! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will surely answer you in the same way.

I want to invite all women to a special one. It is about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life's difficulties, be in harmony with herself and the world around her! The training program "The ABC of a Woman" can be viewed.

Do you think that to love yourself is to allow yourself to soak in a warm, foam-filled bath, to receive gifts and admiration from men, not to be loaded with problems and the task of providing for yourself? That to love yourself is to arrange holidays of pleasures, shopping, travel, vivid impressions? And if all this is not in life, then you say - I do not love myself.

Is this really so, and what does it mean to love yourself for a woman, let's figure it out with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology.

Why don't I love myself

Magazine articles offer a variety of ways to love yourself. Courses and trainings of psychologists are advised to understand yourself and learn how to start loving yourself. And you succeed very well - until the moment when the door of the next training course closes behind you. But soon the euphoria disappears along with self-love, despite the fact that affirmations with the obligatory words “I love myself”, as expected, have been read a hundred times. Fragrant candles again do not help. Men never flock to their light.

What is happiness?

It seems to you that if you don’t get enough pleasure, then you don’t love yourself enough, which means you need to learn to love yourself even more. But you can't give yourself more love. There is still no happiness. After all, you really want gifts, travel, protection and security, devotion, a real man. I want to get married and admiring glances.

I would like to receive! And from here, let's take a closer look.

Man always wants to receive pleasure. The question is how to get it. Pleasure is received not from increased self-esteem, not from self-love, but from the realization of one's innate properties.

I want love...

No need to puzzle over how to love yourself - you will get much more happiness if you love others. Build an emotional connection with a neighbor boy, a grandmother from your yard, a work colleague and you will immediately notice how you become attractive to others. At an unconscious level, people will feel your condition and want to be around, want to answer you with mutual feelings.

If you can draw, embroider, then take the time and enjoy yourself with such a pleasant pastime. Your state of anxiety and worry will be replaced by the pleasure of life. This is a very effective way to start respecting yourself. After all, you have talents. By manifesting innate qualities, you can change the state from dissatisfaction with yourself to love for life. And happiness will fill the whole soul, and the pleasure of life will supersede this difficult question, what does it mean to love yourself. It even seems that the sun shines brighter, the colors have become more diverse, and people are not so malevolent.

... And a reliable man nearby

The pheromone background of an offended woman is read by others on an unconscious level. Resentment smells the heaviest and worst of all. Despite the fact that outwardly she can demonstrate a smile and friendliness, no one is attracted to such a woman. It is difficult to communicate with her, to love too. The unconscious knows the whole truth. And it is impossible to deceive him.

Sometimes, mistakenly, the thought may come to her - since other people do not show respect for her, then she should increase her self-esteem and learn to love herself. Then others will love it too. But this is a road to nowhere. A person should not love himself. After all, he receives happiness and pleasure from life from interaction with other people.

The pleasure of failure

Parents with an anal vector often say this. They mistakenly believe that by doing so they stimulate in the child the desire to prove that he is good, that he can become better, that he can achieve everything. But for a skin child, this does not work. Such words go into the unconscious, hinder development and stop any striving for superiority. For a woman with a skin vector, this manifests itself in unsuccessful relationships with men.

Having become an adult, a woman transfers a well-established habitual scenario into her adult life. She chooses a man who will humiliate, mock her. If she did not leave him immediately, then you can be quite sure that she unconsciously enjoys humiliation and even provokes them.

People around you can say as much as you like: “Yes, how can you stand it? Finally, start respecting and loving yourself!” But she herself does not realize that this is impossible until she gets rid of the script laid down in childhood. Only then will she be able to relearn and again enjoy not from failures, but, on the contrary, from happy relationships.

Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan effectively helps not only to understand what it means to love yourself for a woman, but also to begin to enjoy relationships with people. After all, happiness is not about self-love. This becomes clear already in the free online training and is proven by the numerous results of the listeners:

“... I feel inner confidence, and as if I had always had it, the fear of new spaces, new places is passing, I am becoming bolder in communication, there is no longer this treacherous trembling in the knees and inner stiffness, as if blown away ... I felt inner lightness, as if something it fell into place. The understanding came that everything is in my hands, I can do everything and I can do everything, the fear of the future has disappeared, only now I understand what was meant by the fact that everyone is the creator of their own reality ... "
Julia T., lawyer, Cheboksary

“...Now I realized that we are nowhere without communication. Without people... why me then? Who is everything for? I want to work with them, communicate, benefit! There was a time (a year, probably, maybe more) when I did not want to see people, to dress beautifully. Went to work in jeans and a sweater. Not feeling like a woman. I am not me, I am it. But a few days ago, the desire to dress beautifully came, I put on a dress and I can’t get out of it))) I feel beautiful, feminine, desirable ... "
Nadezhda T., archivist, Belgorod

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"

Another common question is related to the practice of Self-Love. In many books they write - love yourself! At trainings they say that the reasons for failures are not self-love. But what is it to love yourself? Does this mean that you need to say 200 nice words to yourself every day? Or does it mean that you need to stroke your body every day in front of a mirror? Or should you smile at your reflection?
What do you need to do to love yourself? First, let's understand what love is.

love is a verb
Modern women do not like that in the East girls are married off in childhood. For those who were chosen by their parents. But there is a rational grain in this. Knowing that she has a husband, the girl is no longer looking for anyone. Like a boy, he can study calmly and not be distracted. Indian women say, “You marry the one you love. And we learn to love the one we marry.”
in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, he gives an example. When, after the seminar, a man approached him and said that he no longer loved his wife.

"What should I do?" - he asked

“Love her,” Stephen replied.

“You probably didn’t understand me - I don’t love her anymore”

“Moreover, you need to start loving her. To love is a verb. So these are actions. Take care of her, listen to her, try to understand her. Learn to love her"

This is what modern families lack. Understanding that love is not just a chemistry of hormones that evaporates after 18 months. Love is work, it is labor, it is action.

« Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not behave violently, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ends…"(Epistle to the Corinthians)

If you look at the points, then:

long-suffering- this means that she is able to overcome feelings of resentment and discontent, and is also able to forgive offensive words, claims, misunderstandings, opposite opinions and attitudes.

Merciful- this is about the fact that love is able to be condescending to mistakes, ready to understand and enter into a position, help and support. Selflessly.

Doesn't envy- that is, Love rejoices in what is, and with the happiness of a neighbor. I have exactly what I need.

Doesn't boast or pride- this means that a loving person can easily refuse to be right, stop "yaking" for any reason, in any situation. And it is also about the absence of contempt and arrogance.

Doesn't run amok- this is about the fact that there is no love in tantrums and scandals, there is no love in screaming and assault, there cannot be love in any form of violence and cruelty. After all, sometimes cruelty can be quiet - like, for example, a boycott.

not looking for his- that is, Love is able to sacrifice its time, attention, activities, comfort - for the sake of the happiness of a loved one.

Not irritated- this means that the lover is capable of the way he is, without trying to remake him in his own way.

Thinks no evil- this is about the fact that Love is far from revenge and ideas of justice - an eye for an eye and the like. There is no love in reproaches, injections, sarcastic jokes, jokes.

Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth- that is, a loving person is always honest and truthful. Although the truth is not always beautiful and easy. This behavior is the basis of trust.

Covers everything, believes everything- this is about the fact that Love does not listen to gossip and completely trusts. With all my heart. Love without trust is no longer love.

Total hopes- means that sometimes you can only hold on to hope, and this will save you in difficult times. Even when it seems that there is nothing to hope for, she is able to save.

Endures everything- that is, she is able to forgive truly, with all her heart. Even if a loved one acts badly, ugly, hurts. Love is able to forgive - but not from a position of arrogance, like a mischievous kitten, but from a position of love and acceptance.

Love never ends It means never. Under no external circumstances. No matter how the other person behaves. Love does not depend on how he behaves at all. She just is. Is always.

Love for another person is when I can sacrifice my comfort and rightness for the sake of another person’s happiness (The main thing in sacrifice is not to overdo it, since sacrificing comfort is not the same as sacrificing everything).

To love is a verb.

How is love born?

Love is not a feeling, but an action. This means that it is born when we do something for this, for example, we know how to love pets. Why? Because we invest a lot in them. Care, training, training, again worries, attention. And over time, a strong bond is formed when they become family to us.

The same mechanism works with children. After all, even if the child is not native, adopted, then along with caring for him, love is born. In a few years, we love him just as we would love our own. Why? After all, there is no physiological maternal instinct here?

Love appears when we fulfill our duty to another person. When we . When we do our best. When we give it time and attention.

Love is born from everyday little things - deeds, words, actions, care.

What about self love?

All the same. Apply all of the above to yourself and get a step-by-step guide:

• Make time for yourself. Find at least 30 minutes every day for yourself. When you can do what you love in silence and solitude. Read books, sing songs, pray, draw, take a bath. This is where persistence is important. Not just once a month to leave for a couple of days, but every day to find at least half an hour for yourself. Even if you have small children. Even if you have a lot of work. To love is a verb.
• Take care of your body. The body plays an important role in a woman's life. It is very important to take care of him, help him cope with stress. All women are shown massage. All women are shown beauty salons with manicures and pedicures. Dancing, gymnastics, petal baths, skin care. Make it a daily ritual.
• Take care of your nutrition. What you put into your body is just as important. After all, you want to make your loved one healthier and more beautiful. Then why are you still eating so much junk food? Sodas, sweet pastries, fried, too spicy... Why are you feeding your loved one junk food and processed foods?
• Take care of your communication. You wouldn't give your loved one to be eaten by wolves. And you yourself communicate with those people who humiliate you, ridicule you, do not put you in anything. Wouldn't you like companies that will always support and help you? Take care of yourself - find such people (at least virtually - it's easy).
• Do good deeds. Improve the lives of others around you. this will give you a reason to think less about your problems. It will also help boost your self-esteem.

Spare no effort in taking care of yourself. Do not forget about yourself in the flow of everyday life. Do not stick yourself in the furthest corner of your life.

That is what self love is. She is not born once and forever. Love is a constant process of care and attention. But only by knowing this miracle, you will be able to carry it into the world, share it with other people and illuminate the whole world.

Loving yourself is very important, but not every woman is given this art as easily as we would like. Where do many problems come from? In fact, from the depths of your own consciousness - there is a source. We ourselves put taboos, clichés, underestimate ourselves, find fault, come up with possible best options for past events, think a lot about the bad, consider ourselves unworthy of something. How to deal with the problem and learn to love yourself first?

External data - looking for advantages

No ugly women! Even if you were told otherwise, remember that bad things are remembered better. There are many jokes on this subject. For example, this: "He can tell her a hundred times that she is beautiful, but she will only remember that he hinted at her fullness." This is the whole point. Many do not know how to focus on the good, but only remember the bad.

How to work on yourself:

Remember the compliments you received. If you do not communicate with people much, upload a beautiful photo to some group of your favorite social network. You will write something good!

· Reward yourself. In every little thing you need to praise yourself beloved. Do it mentally or out loud - it doesn't matter, start from the circumstances.

· Do not be lazy. Beautiful hair, a clean body, a neat manicure - this gives self-confidence. You will fall in love with the very beauty that you will see every day in the mirror.

Opinion of others

Have you ever thought about how hard life is when you try to take into account the opinions of others? Remind yourself every time: “I live for myself!”. The main thing is not to disturb or harm anyone, and everything else is just stereotypes. Love your life and everyone who is important in it. There will always be those who want to criticize you, even if you become Miss World.

Take criticism easier, remember praise, praise other people. Criticism should be taken as an opinion from the outside. You can take a closer look at it and draw conclusions, but you don’t need to take its essence as a template.

When you learn to listen, first of all, to your inner voice, you will become happier. And you will not have time to look back, how to love yourself.

Think positive, dream

Have you thought about the composition of your thoughts? Most of us are used to immersing ourselves in problems, feeling sorry for ourselves, twisting the same unfortunate situation dozens of times in our thoughts. And this is a big mistake!

Everyone has failures. You need to draw conclusions, but not go in cycles. Life goes on! You are beautiful, full of strength, beauty and ... that same love for yourself.

Think more about the good, try to catch yourself in the negative and drive it away. Dream more, make plans, goals. Learn to have fun, even if you feel lonely today.

Remember - you are beautiful, even despite the flaws! It remains only to emphasize this beauty. And when you love yourself, others will change their attitude towards you too.

According to psychologist N. Kozlov, only self-care, carried out with joy, releases the inner light of a woman and makes her attractive and desirable. Do not confuse worthy self-esteem and the desire to enjoy life with selfishness. If we compare one state with another, then the egoistic aspirations of a person can be expressed by the thought: “Everyone owes me, because I am better,” and self-respecting: “I am wonderful and unique, like everyone else.”

What else distinguishes a woman with a healthy positive attitude towards herself from an egoist or a person who is too critical of herself:

• she performs any work with her soul, her actions are devoid of automatism (fully conscious);
• she does not seek to make her happiness loud;
• she is altruistic, but without prejudice to her own interests;
• she does not take on overwhelming tasks;
• she values ​​her time and is familiar with the principles of intelligent delegation.

Carrying oneself into the world as a rare work of art, respecting one's unique qualities and preserving one's individuality - this is what it means for a person to love himself. But how to love yourself as a woman?

Causes of low self-esteem in women

The girl begins to evaluate herself from the perspective of "I - everyone else" even before the onset of puberty. But if in childhood the criteria for such correspondence are primitive: “Whoever loves me is good,” then adolescents have different standards. The girl already looks at herself from the position of “everyone else” and determines her attitude towards people from the point of view of her own behavior.

When committing antimoral acts or those that are considered to be such in a given family, a teenager tends to condemn himself “for sins”, giving them an exaggerated meaning. There is a self-rejection, an acute rejection by the girl of her "dark" side, or, even worse, a subconscious belief is formed that she "does not deserve better." In the absence of psychological contact with the mother and help from her side, this conviction can develop into a life attitude and chronic dislike for oneself.

The second reason that prevents a woman from being herself is laid in early childhood, when parents, out of good intentions, begin to inspire the girl what she should be and what she should not. The child, by manipulating his love for his parents, is deprived of the right to individual traits. The skill of hypocrisy is presented to the girl as a means of being in demand and convenient for others. Having mastered this science completely, the teenager also derives a number of benefits, and wearing masks becomes familiar and comfortable.

Miracles of disguise, or how to escape from yourself

When a woman is not satisfied with her life, she seeks to change the external conditions of the main factors of her discontent, when she should first understand the origin of each of these factors. An inattentive (lazy, aggressive) husband, a problematic job, a bad girlfriend, are a thing of the past and what appears in return seems more tolerable and acceptable. But soon the situation miraculously returns. Why is this happening?

The fact is that when adjusting the external circumstances of her life, a woman forgets that those traits of her character and worldview that have already once attracted negative events into her life have not gone away. And just as the removal of acute symptoms does not cure the disease, but only makes it less noticeable, a change of scenery and environment will only temporarily bring relief, creating the illusion of well-being. In the end, if a woman does not learn to love herself, the new husband will also not respect her, like the old one, and an interesting job will soon turn into a tedious routine.

It is necessary to understand that harmony is a very important component of an integral self-sufficient personality, it does not form around a person in the form of an aura that changes everything around in a magical way. This desired balance, translating into outward beauty, peace of mind and, as a result, a magnet for positive events and good people, comes from a woman's peace of mind, her self-acceptance and self-love.

Disturbing symptoms of dislike

What is self-hatred? Below are 10 points that mark the key points of a woman's lack of self-esteem:

• inability to accept compliments, embarrassment about this and attempts to "lower the degree" of someone else's admiration;
• denying yourself small pleasures, arguing that "others need it more";
• looking for flaws in oneself (bad skin, gray hair) at every glance in the mirror;
• denial of one's achievements, belittling one's merits;
• the onset of a feeling of shame if something “extra” was allowed to oneself (dessert, a new handbag, manicure) and a promise to oneself that “this will not happen again”;
• excessive concern about someone else's opinion, condemnation;
• "Stuck" for months or even years on the negative aspects of life - someone's death, a failed romance, insults;
• fear of showing external individuality in clothing or behavior;
• fear of changing something in life - getting a high position, going to an unfamiliar country, getting a new education;
• tension in the society of unfamiliar people or colleagues occupying a higher position, involuntary currying in front of them in order to earn their approval.

A woman who does not agree with her appearance and character, who thinks that everyone else is much more beautiful, smarter and more successful than her, takes any criticism very sharply. A reason to think that she is being “treated”, “survived” or “hated” can even be a remark from a colleague about an unsuccessful manicure or an “arrow” on tights.

Correcting and clearing the mind

How to awaken the woman in you? Psychologists say: just as you shouldn’t decorate a room littered with garbage, you shouldn’t try to improve your life filled with old grievances and negative thoughts. Therefore, first of all, a woman needs to get rid of what has so far filled her life, but did not make her better. This can be done mentally by connecting visualization, but it is best to approach the matter thoroughly.

You need to get a small cardboard box and write on it in large letters: "Everything that spoils my life." Then, cutting paper strips from notebook sheets, you need to try to fill as many of them as possible with various negative emotions, bad thoughts, old events and even the names of people who left an unpleasant aftertaste in your memory. An example of inscriptions on paper strips:

• Serezha from the 7th grade, who laughed at me;
• my extravagance, which everyone takes advantage of;
• quarrels with dad because of the car, etc.

It is necessary to extract from memory as many of these “fragments” as possible, constantly injuring the soul. When there is not a single hidden grievance left in the head, the notes, one by one, are picked up, read out loud and sent to the box. With a sealed "box of negativity" you can do whatever bad you like - trample it, throw it against the wall, throw it off the roof, in the end, but in the end it must be destroyed without a trace, thrown into a fire or drowned in a swamp.

Letter to the past

Despite the successful passage of the first stage of the “cleansing”, the women probably lingered in the minds and did not stop sharply reminding themselves of the most difficult moments of her life. As a rule, those episodes that could develop in a positive way, if they follow a slightly different scenario, “sit in memory” most painfully. How does it usually happen? “If it wasn’t for that fight after the party, we wouldn’t have broken up,” “If my friend had listened to me then, we wouldn’t have stopped talking.”

Such thoughts can poison the whole existence, so they are very dangerous. Forcing yourself not to think about them is unrealistic, but you can deprive them of the power that is called "empty regrets."

Left alone, a woman must first allow painful thoughts to prevail over the rest. This can be very painful, but the need for this measure is justified by the ability to look at the situation from a distance of time passed. Was the guy's misconduct so terrible, because of which a quarrel broke out? Could he have done otherwise?

The outcome of renewed experiences should be a letter to a person whose memories are so painful, but at the same time it will become a letter from a woman to herself. In your message, it is appropriate to throw out all the accumulated emotions, ask for forgiveness, explain. The main thing is that later, when burning a sealed envelope with a letter, a woman feels relieved and desires to move on.

Learning to love ourselves

Now that all the bad things from the past have been humiliated and forgotten, it's time to fill your head with only useful and pleasant knowledge about yourself. How to love yourself as a woman? Of course, realizing that there is no other like it, and everything that is part of such a unique personality is wonderful and beautiful by definition.

How to increase self-esteem and confidence for a woman:

• memorize 2-3 suitable affirmations to lift your spirit and repeat them more often;
• make a rearrangement in your home exactly as you have long wanted;
• take care of yourself daily (make masks, manicures and pedicures), despite being tired or in a bad mood;
• review the wardrobe and get rid of everything that for a long time was simply a pity to throw it away;
• at least once a day do what you really want - eat ice cream, watch a movie, etc.

It is worth taking note of this fact: in no film or book does the protagonist achieve success, suffocating at an unloved job or meeting an unpleasant person. All good events begin to occur with decisive changes and only after the hero has reconsidered his life values. Output? What is tiring or annoying does not fit into one format with well-deserved happiness.

Read and get to know yourself

In the pace of modern life, it is difficult for a woman to find time to attend trainings and seminars on personal “re-pumping”, and independent study of the subject is often impossible due to a lack of understanding of how to understand the mass of literature offered. Books on psychology for women, which are worth reading at the very beginning of the path of self-discovery, belong to the classics of popular literature, and their authors are the gurus of modern relationship science:

1. Ute Erhardt, a German psychologist who breaks stereotypes, and his book "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go wherever they want..."
2. Victoria Isaeva, journalist and specialist in family psychology with the work "We and Men".
3. Bert Hellenger, psychotherapist, philosopher and author of psychological techniques with the book "Springs of Love".

These famous works will not only introduce a woman to the "correct" everyday psychology - how to love your body, learn to respect yourself and follow your thoughts - but will also open up a world of other people's motives and secret thoughts.

Separately, I would like to highlight the work of the master of positive thinking Alexander Sviyash “90 steps to a happy life. From Cinderella to Princess. The work can be safely called the answer to the question of how to love yourself to a woman. The book is written in an interesting style and perfectly stimulates achievements.

How to love yourself as a woman? There is no definitive answer to this question, but there are certain rules, following which any seeker will unlearn how to think of herself in the second plan:

• one must unconditionally accept such a fact - everything that happened in life should have happened exactly this way, and not otherwise;
• one should not see an ideal in other people, but there should always be someone in front who one would like to catch up and overtake;
• learn to take care of yourself, seeing it not as a necessity, but as a source of pleasure;
• you should often compare yourself today with yourself yesterday and positively note any positive dynamics;
• it is necessary to avoid falling under the influence of such social egregors as television, political parties, fashion, etc.

Many women report that their lives have improved dramatically after they stopped clinging to their comfort zone and allowed themselves to be carried away by other interests, ideas, and pleasures.