What does it mean for a girl to love herself and how to do it? A way to quickly love yourself: practical advice from psychologists How a woman can love herself what to do advice

One of my girlfriends has no luck with men. Or rather, “bad luck” is not the right word. They just avoid it like moths avoid naphthalene. And this is all the more surprising because she is a pretty thirty-year-old woman with a pleasant figure and no less pleasant own apartment in Minsk. Clever, teaches at the university, dresses well, looks after herself - and once again complains in a cozy kitchen over a cup of tea: they say, there are no men around, and if they do, then goats and a natural disaster in one bottle.

I once again think: well, why are glorious, successful women, having passed all exams for building a career with excellent marks, so often get a complete “failure” in their personal lives? You look at the other one - the mouse is gray, and that's all, but it twirls its fans as it wants. What is there in it, since men peck like a pike on a lure? Well-known Russian psychologist and trainer Inna Chori answers the "eternal" women's questions.

Inna Chori is a psychoanalyst, sexologist, author and host of popular trainings to increase female sexuality and self-confidence. Author of the programs: “Psycho-sexual development of adolescents”, “Three-stage program: Secrets of Femininity, Placers of the night (sex techniques), Secrets of Scheherazade”, “Sex toys: fashion for pleasure”, “Women's power”, “How to please a woman (program exclusively for men)”, “Workshop Bitch”.

Received two higher educations (defectology department of the Herzen Russian State Pedagogical University and the East European Institute of Psychoanalysis). She is happily married and believes that any reasonable woman can do it. Her trainings are an incredible combination of modern psychology, oriental sexual techniques and educational methods of the Smolny Institute for Noble Maidens. And all this serves only one purpose - to make a woman happy.

Inna, why are smart, attractive, businesslike women often unsuccessful in relationships with men? The opposite sex really divides us into "horror, how smart" and "charm, what fools"?

When a woman begins to create a business, she learns to act like a man - aggressively, assertively. In business, without it, nowhere. She carries the same pattern of behavior to many areas of life. It is inevitable that those around her begin to perceive her in accordance with her behavior - as a man.

I still believe that the main sphere of realization of a woman is in the family and children. Of course, a true woman should have her own business: an occupation that brings her pleasure. It can also serve to make money. The problem arises when a business woman "forgets" to switch from a "male" model of behavior to a "female" one.

Do you want to do business for health. But get yourself a clear role switch. At work, I am a manager, teacher, leader, and at home or in relationships with men, I am woman. I am not afraid to express my emotions, seem fragile and weak.

Dear girls, the most important thing to learn is to be natural. Don't hide your strengths and weaknesses. If necessary, tell the man about your worries, anxieties and fears. For some reason, strong women often do not allow themselves this. And in vain. You don't see how easy it is for a woman to get everything she wants from men in life. Without straining, without breaking yourself, but simply with the help of sincerity, the ability, when you need to "be weak", not to go into a scandal, but to find workarounds.

Many "business sharks" in a skirt, who realized this, wonderfully married, created good families. But this requires a lot of inner work. You need to find that "little girl" that lives somewhere inside you - spontaneous, emotional, fragile, in need of protection. At my trainings, participants recall their childhood - in order to emerge from these memories, as in fairy tales, from a cauldron of rejuvenating water, renewed and harmonious.

Secret weapon: the image of the "blonde"

Sometimes you look: the girl is so stupid that she even takes anger. But the men around her and revolve

The image of the “blonde” yes, the very anecdotal one, is our powerful secret weapon. Do not underestimate them! And keep in mind: to be a “correct blonde”, you need a sharp mind and a lot of practice. If you don’t succeed the first time, don’t be upset - this, like many other things, can be learned.

Men are Don Quixote by nature You just need to help them feel like knights in shining armor, rushing to the aid of a beautiful Lady. We, modern women, are so independent - well, just to the point of nausea. We will install Windows ourselves and hammer a nail into the wall. But let the men prove themselves - at least carry a bag with purchases to the bus stop! I say things so simple and obvious that it's even embarrassing. Meanwhile, many women do not even imagine what a stunning effect the entry into the role of "blonde" can give.

One of my clients after the Women's Power training decided to try the image of a blonde, so to speak, in practice. And in the purest, uncomplicated form. The girl has been driving a car for a long time, she is well versed in technology. She arrived at a gas station, approached the worker and, innocently batting her eyelashes, said: “Help me, please, I don’t remember where to put the gun.” Then she admitted: “I expected that they would look at me like I was a fool and send me to hell.” However, the effect was completely unexpected. Nearly half of the men present gathered around her! And the car was refueled, and entertained with conversations, and even invited for a cup of coffee.

Allow yourself to be casual sometimes. In response to an insane offer to break into a “burning” diving tour or make love on the roof, wave your hand at least once: “Come on! And how much of that life! Men in their hearts remain boys until old age - gambling, adoring "show off" And women? Women, on the contrary, often pretend to be strict "teachers". And what does it give? Remember the story of Malvina and Pinocchio? “Teach your spiderlings better,” said Pinocchio and ran away from the beauty with blue hair through the closet window. If a woman is a child in her soul, a girl with bows, the man next to her feels good and comfortable. They love those. These sometimes even leave the family, leaving the boring "teachers".

Put the man in the passport

Why do some offer a hand and a heart almost at every step, while others are stubbornly unlucky? Tell us as a psychologist: what fatal mistakes prevent us from “putting” a man not in bed, but in a passport?

The most important rule sounds paradoxical: if you want to be married, don't wait for it! Do not get hung up on this desire, do not strangle a man with your expectation. Do not let him feel that you are dragging him to the registry office "on a rope." He immediately wants to "break away" and run away.

There is no need to pretend to be indifferent. Just lower the value of the object slightly for myself. There can and should be other interests in your life. Go about your business, personal development, communicate with friends, go to the cinema and theaters, realize yourself in a hobby. Do not sit by the phone, like Alyonushka by the pond, waiting for His calls.

And do not bombard Him with calls, demanding an account of where he is and with whom. Even if you are jealous and worried - make an effort, pull yourself together! "Where are you? and “What are you doing now” are the scariest questions a woman can ask a man. They almost always cause a negative reaction: the partner feels that you are encroaching on the most sacred and dear - his freedom. Even a husband shouldn't ask such questions! The same can be found out in a roundabout way: “Darling, can you speak now?”

Create healthy competition around you. This is not about deliberately inciting the jealousy of a partner. But many women make a mistake when they decide: “I have a loved one, and now I don’t need any suitors, I will communicate with other men only when necessary.”

Live the life you lived - chat with friends, accept flowers from fans. This will allow you to be “in good shape”, feel beautiful and unique, and make a man make a decision faster.
Another mistake, paradoxically, is formulated as follows: "I will not be imposed on him, which means that I will be valuable to him." A woman has been agreeing to a civil marriage for years, not daring to talk about the development of relations.
Yes, you don’t have to get hung up on marriage, you don’t need to give it super value, but if after a year of constant relationship a man hasn’t asked you to get married, it’s time to think about it. If he tells you that he is not ready for family life - in most cases this is not an "excuse", but a sad truth. Think carefully about whether you need such a partner. Or maybe it’s worth ending an unpromising relationship?

There are many techniques for “squeezing” men, which nevertheless allow them to be brought to the door of the registry office. I talk about these techniques in detail in my trainings. To briefly express their essence - do not let a man guess how important legal marriage is to you. Just create a situation where he is required to make that choice.

The very, very important secret of female attractiveness and charm - what is it? What does it take to be a winner in life and just a happy woman?

Charm consists of many features: appearance, gait and plasticity of movements, the notorious ability to “apply oneself”, the timbre of the voice. All this is easy enough to learn. But the most important thing is the inner state of happiness. Carry yourself through life like a cup full of light. Enter a state of inner happiness, joy, admiration for yourself. This thought will shine in your eyes and maintain your proud posture.

See what's happening on the streets. Here comes a woman, her back is crooked, her eyes are on the floor, her face is extinct - she does not love herself, who can like her ?! Men respond primarily to the impulse of happiness and pleasure coming from a woman. Subconsciously, every man is looking for the one that can bring happiness and joy into his life.

My main task as a psychologist and sexologist is to teach a woman to "drug" from herself, and not to look for wrinkles on the pope and cellulite under a microscope. Cultivate an inner sense of your own exclusivity and uniqueness. Remember, you are your own value. And you will succeed!

For the first time in Minsk, Inna Chori's training "Women's Power" on May 15-16.
Tel.: (+375 29) 646-69-44 (Elena)
Details on trainingclub.by

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Oh, not only books on psychology, but also your best friend Lucy insists that without self-confidence and self-love you will not have a career or female happiness in your life? Because the “blue bird of luck” will never sit on hunched shoulders ...

And if you still have complexes about sparse hair, not an "outstanding" priest or the position of "senior assistant to a junior janitor", then it's time to finally figure out how to love yourself as a woman.

But first, let's sit in an imaginary time machine and find out where your self-doubt comes from.

3 main reasons why you can now think about how to love yourself as a woman

Childhood dislike.

Haven't you been told that you are the best girl in the world, the most capable and beautiful? Didn't they take you to some children's play and didn't teach you how to ride a bike? Then you are our client! Moreover, most often, a woman’s low self-esteem is formed by her father, because on the basis of relations with him, the young lady then builds relationships with the entire male sex. Or did the father leave the family altogether? Your story?

“Dad left the family when I was 8. He didn’t give me much, I missed him! And so I, an adult 32-year-old aunt, being visiting him, began to express complaints to him for the first time in my life and received an answer: “My girl, yes, I am guilty of you. But if you, an adult woman, have not “digested” childhood grievances, then you will not go far in life. Harsh, but true!

This is the case when you need to "understand, forgive and let go."

Another friend of the author of the article managed to come to unconditional love for her parents only when her mother fell ill with a heart attack. In all this confusion, worries about the health of a loved one, resentment against him dissipated like morning fog. Is it necessary to wait for such a crisis situation in your life?

Toxic relationship.

A love partner could prevent you from falling in love with a woman in yourself by rudely “driving” over the shortcomings of character, appearance and way of life. But you must clearly understand: such an unworthy man speaks not to help you develop, but in his unhealthy interests, for example, to assert himself at your expense (“I’m just handsome compared to her”) or lower self-esteem so that you they didn’t leave him (“Oh, who needs me at all?”).

Remember: criticism is not a reason for action on the part of a woman, it is only an occasion to think.

A normal self-sufficient man either calmly, delicately talks about what worries him in a woman and together they come to a compromise, or beautifully, without scandals and tantrums, goes "into the foggy distance."

Force majeure in life.

Let's say you were in an accident that hurt your face, you were fired from your job for incompetence, or your husband cheated on you with an 18-year-old girlfriend. Yes, we agree, after this, it is much more difficult for a woman to love herself. In addition to the professional help of a psychologist, it will be useful to get acquainted with the stories of people who have gone through similar things and have not broken.

5 useful life hacks from psychologists on how to love yourself as a woman

Keep a journal in which you note all the good things that happened to you during the day.

Yes, yes, even if it's a clumsy compliment from a pimply neighbor, delicious coffee at a new coffee shop, or just great weather. This will help you to love your life first, and then yourself as a woman.

Watch your posture and facial expression.

If you move and look worse than Mymra from Office Romance, then you are unlikely to be able to love yourself as a woman.

Let go of old grudges against parents, colleagues, bosses, girlfriends, etc.

Do not ruin your emotional health with this negativity: offenders will not get through, but you will be knocked down, you will not be able to love yourself.

Watch the women around you who have definitely fallen in love with themselves.

Catch how they move, talk, laugh. Charm and confidence in their femininity come from them. Learn it and enjoy it!

Are there any such charmers among your friends? Ok, then take an example from famous women. So, the author of the article has always admired Monica Bellucci and Irina Alferova.

When someone or something destroys your self-esteem, as a woman, try to disengage.

It’s better to remember a few super positive moments when you were inimitable, for example, at prom, on a date with the most beautiful boy in class, or received a promotion at work.

All of the above life hacks relate to the main, inner work on herself of a woman who wants to love herself. It needs to be backed up with concrete action.

10 clear ways to love the woman in you once and for all

As a purposeful young lady, in order to fall in love with a woman in yourself, you should not only ignore sarcastic remarks addressed to you and forget about the dark pages of your biography, but also:

Beautiful underwear, fresh manicure, styled hair - promise us that from now on they will become your constant companions to love yourself;

buy yourself not necessarily expensive, but certainly to the face of clothes.

Say "no" to the inconspicuous synthetic blouses from the market! In second-hand and stock stores you will find wonderful options made of natural fabrics from well-known European manufacturers.

do sport.

Tell me, how can you not love and respect yourself if you find the strength in yourself to work in training after a hard day's work? We are generally silent about a pumped-up ass, a relief press and tightened arms;

find new hobbies, learn new knowledge and skills.

And please, let it be something else besides knitting, embroidery and cooking. How about pole dancing, playing bridge or poker, going to a reading club? A woman who lives brightly has no chance of not loving herself;

arrange a professional photo session or order a portrait from the artist.

A real master of his craft will reveal to you such facets of femininity, charm and sexuality that you did not even suspect! There is simply no chance not to fall in love with yourself!

take time for your health to love yourself like a woman.

No, you don’t need to start the morning by flipping through a medical encyclopedia and looking for symptoms of some kind of tropical fever, but an annual fluorography, a general blood test, visits to the dentist and gynecologist are your must-haves;

be generous.

And show your generosity by participating, to the best of your ability, in social, volunteer, charitable projects. Oh, the author of the article knows more than one story when a woman simply blossomed, thus finding friends, and sometimes love.

So, Alena from the small Ukrainian town of Kamenetz-Podolsky once went with a young brave veterinarian to capture a wild dog in order to sterilize it later. As a result, Palma was placed in the good hands of the new owners, and Alena was placed in the good hands of the veterinarian, as a beloved woman;

do a general cleaning of the house and make sure that you feel comfortable here.

No matter how trite it may sound, but the order around you creates order in your head. You look, and throw into the landfill all the gifts of your ex-husband, that old broken coffee maker and torn jeans, which you are ashamed to wear even on a hike. After that, it is easy for a woman to love herself;

give up excessive consumption of coffee, alcohol, smoking and you will have an additional incentive to love yourself.

For what? Yes, at least for willpower and a blooming, healthy look. Well ok, a glass of dry white on Friday night is allowed!

start your every day not with lamentations, but with a smile to yourself and the world, even if at first it looks like a grimace.

Well, if you “advance” so much that you meditate in the morning, read prayers (whatever) or do yoga, we will definitely fall in love with you head over heels.

3 best books on how a woman loves herself: these will be deep feelings!

8 secrets of a woman who loves herself.

How do you like yourself? Tips for your loved one.

Do you still have little knowledge about how to love yourself as a woman? Or maybe you are a real movie buff? Then catch a few films in the subject:

In search of love for herself, the answer to the question "How can a woman love herself?" it is important to understand: the mission is possible! Use our advice, special literature and, if necessary, the services of a psychologist, give yourself a little time - and soon the world will sparkle with new colors especially for you, the queen of your own life!

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A person suffering from low self-esteem cannot communicate normally with other people and spends the lion's share of time on self-flagellation, continuing to acquire new complexes. Because of self-dislike, dreams of a happy life remain unfulfilled. In order to love yourself and forever get rid of prejudices, often imposed from outside, you need to get acquainted with the projective mechanisms of the psyche and master a number of psychological skills.

It will be quite problematic to change the attitude towards yourself for the better, without really understanding what exactly contributed to the development of such hostility. According to psychologists, the cause of this kind of auto-aggression is most often psychological trauma received in childhood.

Many of those who categorically do not want to accept themselves as they are, in one way or another were subjected to ridicule and insults from their peers, felt superfluous in the class. All this, of course, cannot but affect the self-esteem of the child. He doesn't understand why the guys ignore him. If a person, being an adult, still cannot get rid of these unpleasant memories, then, most likely, the root of self-dislike lies here.

Sometimes parents make things worse. They try in every possible way to motivate their child to new achievements, and with absolutely good intentions, but they face the opposite result. For example, constantly comparing their own child with children who are more successful in all respects, they deal a crushing blow to his self-esteem. Deprived of moral support and affection, the baby, having matured, begins to suffer because of the rejection of himself.

Unsuccessful experience of communication with representatives of the opposite sex is another factor that provokes a negative attitude towards oneself. For some, unrequited love becomes an invaluable lesson, while for others it becomes a serious emotional wound and a reason for worrying about their inferiority. The abandoned person often blames himself for everything, believing that he is not handsome enough or does not have any qualities that his ex-partner appreciates.

Sometimes a person's beliefs just don't fit with the zeitgeist. Modern society is arranged in such a way that everyone one way or another tries to comply with fashion trends, competing in success. If a person falls out of the general mass, then it is possible that he will not be able to love himself. So, a girl who is not striving to build a successful career, but who wants to quickly go down the aisle and cook borscht for her betrothed, may experience some difficulties in accepting her own values.

Self-loathing is visible to the naked eye. It is read in the manner of holding and speaking, look, gait. You can suspect a person of an overly negative attitude towards his own person by the following signs:

• overly critical of their appearance;
• blushes with embarrassment when he is complimented;
• often refuses what brings him joy;
• denies his merits;
• prefers to remain unnoticed;
• tries to please everyone and not offend anyone;
• dependent on the opinions of others;
• constantly making excuses for the inconvenience caused;
• morally tortures himself every time he makes a mistake;
• worries for any reason;
• focuses on past failures for years;
• believes that if a person has a different view on certain things, then he treats him badly.

This list can be continued indefinitely, because there are a myriad of manifestations of self-dislike. Everything is individual.

It should be said that the devaluation of one's personality does not always affect all spheres of life: sometimes it is more manifested in the professional field, and sometimes in amorous affairs.

To start loving yourself, you can’t sit back and wait until the situation changes dramatically. You need to gather all the will into a fist and act. The most correct solution Seek help from an experienced psychotherapist. If this is not possible, do not despair. The advice of specialists, which can be found by opening a textbook on practical psychology, will help to radically change the attitude towards oneself.

Expression of feelings

It so happened that society condemns people who openly express feelings such as anger, resentment, indignation. Many men and women are taught from childhood not to flaunt their emotions, preferring to accumulate them in themselves. It is very important to learn to allow yourself to feel what is bothering you at a particular moment, as well as to correctly present it to others.

For example, a close friend offended a girl with an awkwardly thrown word. Out of habit, I want to immediately bury the offense deeper so as not to kindle the fire of enmity. This position is not always appropriate. As you know, emotions are natural, and if they arose, then, most likely, the situation favored their appearance. If a friend really behaved inappropriately, you should point it out to her. Perhaps she does not suspect that her words could hurt a nerve.

Without the ability to let go of the past, it is impossible to achieve peace of mind, experts in the field of psychology unanimously declare. It is quite simple to do this - you need to carefully analyze the bad experience, feel your attitude to the negative situation, and then safely forget everything. Going in cycles in the past, which cannot be changed, a person marks time and does not work on his development.

Often a long experience due to missed opportunities, wasted time or mistakes made leads to an ongoing sense of guilt and does not allow the development of self-love, as a result of which one's own authority is undermined - almost a key factor in the formation of a psychologically stable person who knows his own worth.

It is important to be clearly aware of your place in this world in order to treat philosophically any troubles and obstacles encountered on the path of life.

Surely everyone at least once thought about what kind of people surround him. Is it comfortable to be in their presence? Do they give a charge of positive emotions or, on the contrary, act as energy vampires, sow doubts and weaken the desire for self-improvement? Is there an understanding of how these people ended up nearby and why they do not disappear anywhere?

It is necessary to say goodbye to people with whom communication causes psychological discomfort, or to minimize contacts if interaction with them requires professional activity. This is a laborious, but quite feasible task.

You need to communicate with those who radiate positive and inspire to useful deeds. They all want to take an example and change for the better.

Very often, self-dislike is explained by dissatisfaction with appearance. And it can be both a real problem and a far-fetched one. The type of figure is genetically determined, but everyone is able to make every effort to ensure that the body is healthy and well-groomed.

Many flaws in appearance can easily be hidden by the right selection of clothes suitable for the physique, the use of cosmetics. It is important to pay due attention to your appearance. It is not at all necessary to be dressed to the nines. The main thing is to like the wardrobe items and add confidence to their owner. It is worth trying to find time to do your hair and put on makeup before you go out. The pleasant aroma of eau de toilette and beautiful accessories are guaranteed to inspire, improve your mood and cheer you up.

In the arsenal of psychologists there are many tricks that will eventually make a person fall in love with himself. The so-called affirmations deserve special attention - short phrases containing a verbal formula, repeating which you can fix the desired setting on a subconscious level, thereby improving the psycho-emotional background. By resorting to this technique of self-hypnosis, you can achieve positive changes within a few weeks.

With the help of affirmations, a person can quickly learn to see their strengths and feel comfortable being in the body in which they were born. To do this, he needs to regularly speak out loud phrases where he convinces himself of the following circumstances:

• he is worthy of respect and love;
• he has a beautiful body and good character;
• he is kind to other people.

Another exercise that guarantees impressive results is that a person imagines in detail what his life will look like when he loves himself. Auxiliary questions will help to call the desired image:

1. What will it look like?
2. What will be his demeanor?
3. What activities will be prohibited?
4. Where and how will he live?
5. What kind of activity to do?
6. How will you build a relationship with your loved one?

Having answered these and other questions, you need to draw this picture in your mind and examine it from all sides, adding smells and sounds to the fictional image. Staying in this state, you should listen to the inner sensations. By doing this exercise on a regular basis, a person will become who he wants to be in reality - confident and loving himself.

The ability to love yourself is the basis, thanks to which you can later learn to give warmth to others and receive love from others. If you do not master this art, the source of your own feelings will be blocked, and a person will lose his "I" behind a pile of false masks.

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Recently a woman came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, makes a good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?”. I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how a bad attitude towards oneself, self-rejection, self-criticism negatively affect people's lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.

To love or not to love… that is the question!

I fully share the point of view that the better a person treats himself, the more chances he has to become successful and achieve his goals. Having a good attitude towards yourself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. To love yourself means to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you, to feel confident and your own attractiveness, to respect yourself and your desires, to carry a positive charge felt by the people around you.

Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to a lowered mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, so a common problem for such people is , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-loathing is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one's appearance, lack of faith in oneself, constant tension and a sense of one's own worthlessness.

What does it mean to love yourself?

It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as a person, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one's Ego to others.

The main desire!

As soon as you decide to change the attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will begin. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. Love yourself instantly, with a wave of a magic wand, you will not succeed. Making adjustments to your appearance is quick and easy, but truly accepting and loving your inner world can be very difficult. The process of self-acceptance takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and on your willingness to change. So where do you start?

Take care of your appearance

Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - this is your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly associated with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, it can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many shortcomings in appearance can be easily corrected by the right choice of clothes that suit your figure, the use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to keep an eye on your appearance at all times - you do not have to be dressed in the latest fashion in trendy clothes. The main thing is that it should be clothes that you like and add self-confidence, and your overall appearance is neat and well-groomed. Take the extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and tidy your shoes before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose a pleasant aroma for yourself that will inspire you. Do not neglect accessories: a beautiful watch or a handy handbag will once again evoke positive emotions in you, uplifting your mood and adding self-confidence.

Your mood and way of thinking determines your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world around you. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Tune in a positive way, learn to enjoy the little things and the world will sparkle for you with bright colors (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« » ).

Follow your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I'm so ugly”, “I'm so fat, I'm just awful”, “I'm a loser, I will never succeed”, etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”

Move forward, don't stay in one place too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or refresher courses). Find an activity or hobby that you love that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and reward yourself for any, even the most insignificant achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Pay special attention to your strengths - use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to find advantages in yourself, ask your friends and relatives for help. Ask them to make a list of your positives. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - others will surely find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to treat criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.

Accept your past

Very often, dissatisfaction with yourself can be related to what you are experiencing. for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as an invaluable experience that made you stronger, allowed you to become what you are now. The very realization of a perfect mistake is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to dwell on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in my present and future life (I wrote about how to accept my past in the article« » ).

Listen to your desires

Allow yourself to do what you want and like. We are not talking about any illegal actions or asocial acts. I mean inner freedom, the ability to choose, listen to yourself, and not be led by others. When doing something, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy something not quite necessary in a store, you do it voluntarily, ornot to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really feel like it, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it's important to notice them. Doing something against your will or violating your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop inner sensitivity and the ability to hear your inner voice (I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).

Surround yourself with nice people

Think about the people around you. How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure and satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to keep contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positive, from whom you want to take an example and change for the better.

No need to look for a reason to love yourself!If you want to be a happy person - be one! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will surely answer you in the same way.

I want to invite all women to a special one. It is about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life's difficulties, be in harmony with herself and the world around her! The training program "The ABC of a Woman" can be viewed.

According to psychologist N. Kozlov, only self-care, carried out with joy, releases the inner light of a woman and makes her attractive and desirable. Do not confuse worthy self-esteem and the desire to enjoy life with selfishness. If we compare one state with another, then the egoistic aspirations of a person can be expressed by the thought: “Everyone owes me, because I am better,” and self-respecting: “I am wonderful and unique, like everyone else.”

What else distinguishes a woman with a healthy positive attitude towards herself from an egoist or a person who is too critical of herself:

• she performs any work with her soul, her actions are devoid of automatism (fully conscious);
• she does not seek to make her happiness loud;
• she is altruistic, but without prejudice to her own interests;
• she does not take on overwhelming tasks;
• she values ​​her time and is familiar with the principles of intelligent delegation.

Carrying oneself into the world as a rare work of art, respecting one's unique qualities and preserving one's individuality - this is what it means for a person to love himself. But how to love yourself as a woman?

Causes of low self-esteem in women

The girl begins to evaluate herself from the perspective of "I - everyone else" even before the onset of puberty. But if in childhood the criteria for such correspondence are primitive: “Whoever loves me is good,” then adolescents have different standards. The girl already looks at herself from the position of “everyone else” and determines her attitude towards people from the point of view of her own behavior.

When committing antimoral acts or those that are considered to be such in a given family, a teenager tends to condemn himself “for sins”, giving them an exaggerated meaning. There is a self-rejection, an acute rejection by the girl of her "dark" side, or, even worse, a subconscious belief is formed that she "does not deserve better." In the absence of psychological contact with the mother and help from her side, this conviction can develop into a life attitude and chronic dislike for oneself.

The second reason that prevents a woman from being herself is laid in early childhood, when parents, out of good intentions, begin to inspire the girl what she should be and what she should not. The child, by manipulating his love for his parents, is deprived of the right to individual traits. The skill of hypocrisy is presented to the girl as a means of being in demand and convenient for others. Having mastered this science completely, the teenager also derives a number of benefits, and wearing masks becomes familiar and comfortable.

Miracles of disguise, or how to escape from yourself

When a woman is not satisfied with her life, she seeks to change the external conditions of the main factors of her discontent, when she should first understand the origin of each of these factors. An inattentive (lazy, aggressive) husband, a problematic job, a bad girlfriend, are a thing of the past and what appears in return seems more tolerable and acceptable. But soon the situation miraculously returns. Why is this happening?

The fact is that when adjusting the external circumstances of her life, a woman forgets that those traits of her character and worldview that have already once attracted negative events into her life have not gone away. And just as the removal of acute symptoms does not cure the disease, but only makes it less noticeable, a change of scenery and environment will only temporarily bring relief, creating the illusion of well-being. In the end, if a woman does not learn to love herself, the new husband will also not respect her, like the old one, and an interesting job will soon turn into a tedious routine.

It is necessary to understand that harmony is a very important component of an integral self-sufficient personality, it does not form around a person in the form of an aura that changes everything around in a magical way. This desired balance, translating into outward beauty, peace of mind and, as a result, a magnet for positive events and good people, comes from a woman's peace of mind, her self-acceptance and self-love.

Disturbing symptoms of dislike

What is self-hatred? Below are 10 points that mark the key points of a woman's lack of self-esteem:

• inability to accept compliments, embarrassment about this and attempts to "lower the degree" of someone else's admiration;
• denying yourself small pleasures, arguing that "others need it more";
• looking for flaws in oneself (bad skin, gray hair) at every glance in the mirror;
• denial of one's achievements, belittling one's merits;
• the onset of a feeling of shame if something “extra” was allowed to oneself (dessert, a new handbag, manicure) and a promise to oneself that “this will not happen again”;
• excessive concern about someone else's opinion, condemnation;
• "Stuck" for months or even years on the negative aspects of life - someone's death, a failed romance, insults;
• fear of showing external individuality in clothing or behavior;
• fear of changing something in life - getting a high position, going to an unfamiliar country, getting a new education;
• tension in the society of unfamiliar people or colleagues occupying a higher position, involuntary currying in front of them in order to earn their approval.

A woman who does not agree with her appearance and character, who thinks that everyone else is much more beautiful, smarter and more successful than her, takes any criticism very sharply. A reason to think that she is being “treated”, “survived” or “hated” can even be a remark from a colleague about an unsuccessful manicure or an “arrow” on tights.

Correcting and clearing the mind

How to awaken the woman in you? Psychologists say: just as you shouldn’t decorate a room littered with garbage, you shouldn’t try to improve your life filled with old grievances and negative thoughts. Therefore, first of all, a woman needs to get rid of what has so far filled her life, but did not make her better. This can be done mentally by connecting visualization, but it is best to approach the matter thoroughly.

You need to get a small cardboard box and write on it in large letters: "Everything that spoils my life." Then, cutting paper strips from notebook sheets, you need to try to fill as many of them as possible with various negative emotions, bad thoughts, old events and even the names of people who left an unpleasant aftertaste in your memory. An example of inscriptions on paper strips:

• Serezha from the 7th grade, who laughed at me;
• my extravagance, which everyone takes advantage of;
• quarrels with dad because of the car, etc.

It is necessary to extract from memory as many of these “fragments” as possible, constantly injuring the soul. When there is not a single hidden grievance left in the head, the notes, one by one, are picked up, read out loud and sent to the box. With a sealed "box of negativity" you can do whatever bad you like - trample it, throw it against the wall, throw it off the roof, in the end, but in the end it must be destroyed without a trace, thrown into a fire or drowned in a swamp.

Letter to the past

Despite the successful passage of the first stage of the “cleansing”, the women probably lingered in the minds and did not stop sharply reminding themselves of the most difficult moments of her life. As a rule, those episodes that could develop in a positive way, if they follow a slightly different scenario, “sit in memory” most painfully. How does it usually happen? “If it wasn’t for that fight after the party, we wouldn’t have broken up,” “If my friend had listened to me then, we wouldn’t have stopped talking.”

Such thoughts can poison the whole existence, so they are very dangerous. Forcing yourself not to think about them is unrealistic, but you can deprive them of the power that is called "empty regrets."

Left alone, a woman must first allow painful thoughts to prevail over the rest. This can be very painful, but the need for this measure is justified by the ability to look at the situation from a distance of time passed. Was the guy's misconduct so terrible, because of which a quarrel broke out? Could he have done otherwise?

The outcome of renewed experiences should be a letter to a person whose memories are so painful, but at the same time it will become a letter from a woman to herself. In your message, it is appropriate to throw out all the accumulated emotions, ask for forgiveness, explain. The main thing is that later, when burning a sealed envelope with a letter, a woman feels relieved and desires to move on.

Learning to love ourselves

Now that all the bad things from the past have been humiliated and forgotten, it's time to fill your head with only useful and pleasant knowledge about yourself. How to love yourself as a woman? Of course, realizing that there is no other like it, and everything that is part of such a unique personality is wonderful and beautiful by definition.

How to increase self-esteem and confidence for a woman:

• memorize 2-3 suitable affirmations to lift your spirit and repeat them more often;
• make a rearrangement in your home exactly as you have long wanted;
• take care of yourself daily (make masks, manicures and pedicures), despite being tired or in a bad mood;
• review the wardrobe and get rid of everything that for a long time was simply a pity to throw it away;
• at least once a day do what you really want - eat ice cream, watch a movie, etc.

It is worth taking note of this fact: in no film or book does the protagonist achieve success, suffocating at an unloved job or meeting an unpleasant person. All good events begin to occur with decisive changes and only after the hero has reconsidered his life values. Conclusion? What is tiring or annoying does not fit into one format with well-deserved happiness.

Read and get to know yourself

In the pace of modern life, it is difficult for a woman to find time to attend trainings and seminars on personal “re-pumping”, and independent study of the subject is often impossible due to a lack of understanding of how to understand the mass of literature offered. Books on psychology for women, which are worth reading at the very beginning of the path of self-discovery, belong to the classics of popular literature, and their authors are the gurus of modern relationship science:

1. Ute Erhardt, a German psychologist who breaks stereotypes, and his book "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go wherever they want..."
2. Victoria Isaeva, journalist and specialist in family psychology with the work "We and Men".
3. Bert Hellenger, psychotherapist, philosopher and author of psychological techniques with the book "Springs of Love".

These famous works will not only introduce a woman to the "correct" everyday psychology - how to love your body, learn to respect yourself and follow your thoughts - but will also open up a world of other people's motives and secret thoughts.

Separately, I would like to highlight the work of the master of positive thinking Alexander Sviyash “90 steps to a happy life. From Cinderella to Princess. The work can be safely called the answer to the question of how to love yourself to a woman. The book is written in an interesting style and perfectly stimulates achievements.

How to love yourself as a woman? There is no definitive answer to this question, but there are certain rules, following which any seeker will unlearn how to think of herself in the second plan:

• one must unconditionally accept such a fact - everything that happened in life should have happened exactly this way, and not otherwise;
• one should not see an ideal in other people, but there should always be someone in front who one would like to catch up and overtake;
• learn to take care of yourself, seeing it not as a necessity, but as a source of pleasure;
• you should often compare yourself today with yourself yesterday and positively note any positive dynamics;
• it is necessary to avoid falling under the influence of such social egregors as television, political parties, fashion, etc.

Many women report that their lives have improved dramatically after they stopped clinging to their comfort zone and allowed themselves to be carried away by other interests, ideas, and pleasures.