What to do if you want to howl. Woman after childbirth: from a surge of energy to tears - one step. Let your energy flow

I don't know where to turn for help. The story is banal, probably, like many women writing on this site. I never knew how my soul hurts, and now for 2 years I have not found peace, and my soul is rushing about, crying and hurting.

I got married at the age of 30, a late child, whom he did not want, and when my daughter grew up, went to college, went to Moscow to study, he announced to me that I was not his wife, that he was not interested in me either as a woman or as Human. It was a shock for me. Although life was difficult, everything was there, he had a complex character. I am by nature a gentle and kind person, I endured everything, I wanted a family. He had an affair with my niece, who is 18 years his junior. He is 60. She was in my house, often visited, I noticed all this, but I never thought that a relative could do this. I talked with her and with her mother, my cousin, but it feels like they decided to take revenge on me for something.
They started dating on the sly after that.
The first year I threw tantrums, I did not want to live. But then I decided to take matters into my own hands. I'm 58 and I look pretty good for my age. I have friends, but nothing helps me. He lives with me in the apartment, he does not want to leave. And every day I watch how he is going on dates. This is very painful. I shut myself up, I don't want to see or hear him. He doesn't want to go to her. It is clear that at the age of 60 you can adapt to someone else's life, and you are young for him, you can quit at any moment. And he's holding on to these walls. The housing problem is difficult to solve. I don't have any family now. My niece is avoiding me and she changed her phone sims. It is doubly painful that relatives did this.
I want some support, I thought my daughter would support me. Well, she is understandable, she is still financially dependent on her parents, she is studying. She doesn't want to ruin her relationship with her father. Nobody wants these problems. Only I live alone with this pain, the light is not sweet. Such a depression, I don’t want anything, there is no desire for anything. I just want to howl from impotence.

How much longer can I take this?
Everything suits him: everything is wonderful in his personal life and he, for sure, is pleased that I am alone. I understand everything with my mind, I need to somehow let him go from my soul, but it doesn’t work. Because he is nearby, although we practically do not communicate. I told him: act like a man, go to her or to your mother to live. Doesn't leave. What do i do? Such sadness...

Support the site:

Natalie, age: 58 / 04/29/2015

Responses:

Natalie, hello. You quite rightly noticed that in your story there is almost nothing exclusive, alas... Therefore, I think it is not worth commenting on your spouse's act. God be his judge, as well as your niece. Everyone will be rewarded. The most important thing right now is your state of mind. Pain, helplessness, the feeling that "everyone betrayed" .. Try to look at it from the other side. The “principle of analogy” always helps me: I recently underwent an operation, before that there were two exactly the same, but I noticed that if the first two times I didn’t get out of bed again after surgery (everything hurts, my mood is terrible, I feel sorry for myself ), then the third time all these consequences passed in a matter of days - and all because I thought, ENOUGH Pity yourself. The pain was terrible, but as soon as I was allowed to get up, I literally lifted myself out of bed "by the scruff of the neck", began to give instructions: you need to walk around the ward, then 5 minutes of rest, then another circle around the ward, etc. The recovery process was reduced to 4 days (last time it was about a month). I mean, you have a situation similar to a postoperative one to some extent - sheer pain, which is not clear when it will pass.
First, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not the first, not you, alas, the last.
Secondly, the golden advice of many visitors to this site is to make a plan for resolving financial and material issues with your spouse (it hurts well for you to settle down).
Thirdly, do not blame your daughter for not receiving the expected support from her - it is very difficult to understand the true motivation of another person's actions, maybe she has her own problems that prevent her from taking yours more seriously.

Keep yourself occupied to the fullest: for example, in the coming May holidays, arrange a picnic for yourself in nature and at the same time figure out how you would like your life to develop further. The very next day, do the phased implementation! And pray, without this, the soul cannot find peace! Everything will work out and everything will be fine!

Olga, age: 36 / 04/30/2015

Natasha, what are you yearning for?
You just need to sit down and deal with your fears, face them face to face and not be afraid to tell yourself the truth. Your husband is not your support and, apparently, she never was, and never will be.
Daughter behaves like this, relatives? Disconnect from all this, occupy yourself with anything, set any goals for yourself - run, walk, dance, embroider - any activity and, most importantly, go to the temple. Don't wait for him, don't watch how he is going. Get ready and leave yourself, do not expect anything from him, you and only you can change your life.
Breathe new plans, goals into your life, and new people will appear around, new events, and everything will be fine with you. Don't be afraid of anything. You will learn to protect yourself and take care of yourself. And stop being afraid.
Good luck to you, everything will be fine.

Alexandra, age: 48 / 04/30/2015

Natasha, it's terribly painful to be lonely next to your husband in old age. My advice to you: simply move away from him, imagine that you are in a communal apartment, next to you is a neighbor whom you do not care about. You are probably already retired, sign up for a choir, or somewhere else, find an outlet for yourself and take time, or maybe get a job, even if it is low-paid, but you will be busy with something. Imagine your husband in 10 years, sores, for sure, a small pension and his passion is nearby. It is rare that a woman wants to care for such a "macho". Do you need it? Decide for yourself and either wait for him to play enough "love" and return to you, or step back and live your life. You and I have such a good age, when there are no global illnesses yet and our life, by no means, should get hung up on a man who does not appreciate and does not love. And there, you see, the grandchildren will go, and life will sparkle with new colors, you will become necessary and in demand. It is necessary to go through this difficult period and the main thing is to get out of this situation healthy. Think about yourself, not about how happy he is. Your peace and happiness is in your hands.

Elena, age: 56 / 04/30/2015

Natalie dear!
Well, you can’t fold your paws like that and give up, there are no hopeless situations. Look for a way out - and it will definitely appear. For example, if I were you (and I was in it in my own, now a long time ago - only my husband left for a young mistress, taking only a car and his business) - I would have eaten all his brains, seeking a division of housing or separate residence. This topic would not leave the atmosphere of being together. Every day I would put it on the agenda! Either he leaves, or - exchange-section.
And you casually mentioned something, got a refusal - and gave up, suffering and daily observing a picture that destroys health and nerves. As much as you don't want to, you need to separate. Gather your family together and STRONGLY and PERMANENTLY declare that you are not going to live like this anymore. Let's make a decision to exchange or leave!! Tighten up, gather your strength and do it! And the second - support your nervous system with medication. Well, the 21st century is in the yard, girls. Why wear out something that cannot be restored? Take care of your health - drink at least a simple glyciside, many current problems will turn out to be trifles, the mind will work more clearly, decisions will be made and implemented, sleep will be calm and full. Gather yourself bit by bit and don't give up.

Evgenia, age: 53 / 04/30/2015

Hello, Natalia! I read your story and can't help but respond.
I understand and sympathize with you. I have been reading this site for a long time, but I am writing for the first time. Maybe because we are close by age and according to the situation. Hold on, honey. It was not you who betrayed, but you. And this sin is not on you, which means the Lord is on your side. It is very difficult to live under the same roof with a traitor. This damned "housing problem"!
You now need to think not about them, but about yourself, about your health. Yes, it also happens that you do not have to rely on the support of children, they have their own problems. Natasha, you are not alone. Do you know how many of us are unfortunate? So hold on, no one knows how life will turn.

Willow, age: 63 / 04/30/2015

Hello Natalie. It's great that you call yourself that: Natalie. Not grandma Natasha.

You have already answered the most important part of your question: why is everything so bad in your life.
!!!Because HE'S NEAR!!!
You live in a love triangle. And you occupy the most offensive corner in it: You are the one who is being cheated on. The suffering side.
The husband remained in the same place close to you in the outside world, but at the same time he became a complete stranger.
And the adjective "alien" here is very terribly translated and supplemented: incomprehensible, unloving, completely deaf to you. While HE IS NEAR, you are doomed to see such circumstances before your eyes. Forgive me for the figurative comparison: You are now like the person who buried his loved one, but remained to live on his grave. But you can’t live on the grave, there are no living conditions there. Do you understand?
You are no longer connected with your husband by family and mutual love. And you have to live with a complete stranger. Even worse than with a stranger: with a former loved one. From such a neighborhood, you can start looking for the fifth corner on the ceiling. In fact, this is the state you are in right now. And you can't change anything.

You for yourself divide this situation into two most basic points:

1. Division of a joint apartment and the acquisition of its own space.
This is as important as living separately from parents to a young family. This is important to everyone. And parents as well. One family, one apartment. You are now your own family, so think that this is the most important moment. My home is only my castle.

2. Don't stuff yourself with "why" questions. By swing. So far the answer is this. But when you are your own mistress, the answers will gradually come. If by then you will still be asking questions.
Let your husband know your intentions and requirements and start implementing them. In your personal life. And don't lend your ears to his noodles. Since then, you have become a little deaf with your ears. But they completely saw the light with their eyes and actions.

Regarding your daughter's position: she took her side. And she did the right thing, no matter how insulting it is for you.
Daughter is not a party to your conflict. And in our life there are many such grievances when you want to fall on someone's shoulder and find understanding, regret and a solution there. But there is no such shoulder .... Although, it is. We are looking in the wrong place. This shoulder is within ourselves, if we can create it. And if you redirect these questions to yourself and understand that you can find a way out only within yourself, the problems will begin to be solved.

Start with legal advice.
Housing is only a legal(!) issue. Assess your capabilities appropriately. Do not feel sorry for yourself, you are not an unhappy woman at all. You are just a person whose life circumstances have changed dramatically. And what is outside can always be corrected. More difficult with what's inside. This invisible pain whines and cries. But she can also be dealt with.
You have already realized that throwing tantrums does not solve any problem. It only takes strength and leads "somewhere not there." And it's easy to get into this "somewhere not there", but to get out of there ... This is work. This is exactly what you are doing now. But the roads go from there:
- through the ability to ignore other people's dirt
- and through their own iron endurance.
If you do not give up and try to change your life, then you have strength. And while there is health. Connect these two components and direct them to find exactly the way out. But do not yet produce analytical reasoning about the reasons for such behavior of other people. You have YOUR tasks that you must solve.

Time will put everyone in their place. Your daughter will grow up, you will have grandchildren. They will need you, you will bake pies and cook compotes in your apartment. What do you think: will it be good for you there? Or bad?
And about breaking off relations with such relatives one should rejoice. Knowing the true face of a person is not given to everyone such a chance. And very often we are in a relationship with those who secretly hurt us. Like pouring salt into a well. Well, tell them: "thank you, that is not poison"? Everyone decides for himself. The main thing is to realize: what kind of people are next to you, what they are made of and what to expect from them. And if you wait, except for guaranteed nasty things, you won’t lose anything if you lose it.
I wish you to make friends with your confidence. It will never be superfluous to be confident in yourself.

Nina Vishnevskaya, age: 45 / 04/30/2015

Good afternoon Natalie! You have a difficult situation, but you will have to find a way out of it that will allow you to breathe again, and not give your life further piece by piece into the hands of a traitor. Forgive me for this definition of your husband, perhaps for a couple of decades next to you there was both a man and a husband, and a person for whom you could show your kindness, wisdom, indulgence, patience, understanding and acceptance, but at the moment next to you is, once again sorry, a vile traitor for whom your life, your well-being, and your very existence mean nothing. You can even now give him your life, even put it in his hands with your own hands, but he will not even be able to understand what he received, he will simply take it (your life) to the trash along with the first bag of garbage that comes to hand and will not experience the slightest regret . Isn't this too big a gift for someone who can't even appreciate it? I think you are very right in assessing the situation, your husband really feels great and he feels this way because he is simply satisfied with everything. It’s as if his soul has died and he doesn’t see, doesn’t understand the hell and nightmare that he creates, doesn’t notice his bestial attitude towards you, but his mind is alive, that’s why he doesn’t go to a woman two decades younger than himself, understands that if he leaves for her, their idyll will not last long, and there will be nowhere to return.
I lived with my ex-husband for about two years and most of the time he treated me at best as a wall, lived his life and enjoyed it, and I sat at home or with my parents in the evenings and on weekends and waited for him, and went crazy with his relationship, from these "neighborhood" relationships. It even seemed to me that they communicate more with neighbors in a communal apartment than he does with me, with whom he lived in the same room and spent nights, albeit on different sides, but on the same bed. I fully understand what you feel when a loved one physically seems to be nearby, but you do not exist for him in any capacity, even just as a person. Natalie, in my opinion, this situation destroys you so much. If you had the opportunity to live separately from your husband, without observing his treatment of you, your mental state would have normalized and would not have been so difficult. Natalie, consult a psychotherapist, bring your psyche into a relatively calm state with medication, think carefully and thoroughly study your housing issue legally. Do you have the possibility of exchanging an apartment, maybe it is possible, albeit with a move to a less prestigious area or further to the region? I understand how scary it is to even think about settling in a new place, about moving, but it’s just scary to think and imagine, and there “the eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing it.” Perhaps you have the opportunity to spend at least a couple of months away from home? You are working? Think about it, maybe you can rent an apartment, a room or part of a house somewhere in the village for a month or two? It seems to me that even a temporary opportunity to live separately from your husband would be a great boon for you, you would look at everything from a new perspective, your head would work differently, new thoughts would appear. Read this site, articles, requests for help from other people and responses to help yourself psychologically let go of your husband. Once again, try to resolve the issue of living apart from your husband, but at the same time change, force yourself to change your attitude towards him. Understand that you have a goal in front of you that you will have to achieve - you must work on yourself so that the presence, absence of your husband can in no way disturb your peace of mind.
And I will add a few words about my daughter. Do not be offended by her, it may very well be that she will not be able to provide you with sufficient support. After all, she sincerely does not understand everything that you feel, does not fully understand your pain and all the moral gravity of your situation, but does not understand, not because she does not love you enough, and not because she has her own young life, not because that is afraid of offending dad. She cannot fully understand you and help only because, fortunately, she has not encountered betrayal and the sadistic annihilating attitude of the closest person in her life. You know, Natalie, my parents, my sister, friends who did not face moral bullying in life, did not really understand me, my experiences and all the torment that I experienced from mental pain. As it turned out, not close people, not good or bad, can fully understand the feelings and actions of a particular person, but only those who themselves have experienced this.
Get out of boredom and depression, Natalie. Pull yourself out. It will be difficult, but you will succeed, you should not waste your life on a person who does not appreciate you. Start living, you can become happy!

Galina, age: 31 / 30.04.2015

Hello Natalie! Our mind is not enough to understand sometimes what is going on around us, what our relatives and friends are doing. Reason can be broken if you drive your thoughts in circles in search of logic.
Natasha, those who have gone over their heads on the path "if only for me" do not have human logic, their brain produces a completely different product. Such a vile product that the more you delve into it and try to understand something, the more you yourself become demented. Yes, Natalie, that's right. When you, with God's help, restore your psyche and your brain works in the right direction, you will be surprised at many things, and especially yourself. Having survived my personal hell, I realized for the rest of my life that a person with his grief is alone. Yes, relatives and relatives (when they are around) can provide temporary assistance. But they may not be around, and even worse, instead of help, surprise. But your soul hurts, your soul, Natasha, has been hurting for two years now. So you are not moving off the ground or going in the wrong direction. I don’t know about others, Natalie, but my lightness in my soul and the enlightenment of my mind appeared only after I knew with all my fibers of my soul what metanoia is. Without knowing it from my own experience, all the words on this topic are perceived (well, how to put it figuratively), well, like Bulgakov: "Ivan Bezdomny is calling you from a madhouse."
Natalie, there is you, there is God, there is your prayer to him not about enlightening and admonishing someone, but about enlightening yourself, purifying yourself, teaching yourself. And like that mouse in a jug of milk - paws, paws a little bit every day, and yourself, Natasha, you won’t notice how the milk has become butter.
It will be hard for you, of course, with such a tenant at your side, but you must proceed from what you have. No other is given... For now. Previously, people lived in communal apartments. So connect, Natasha, reserve self-irony - "they say, the time machine has failed, you will have to change your profession for a while." Otherwise, you can go crazy. Try by all means to move away from them and live YOUR life. Everything flows, everything changes. And views, and attitude to what is happening.

Vitalia, age: 54 / 04/30/2015

Hello Natasha! So you want to click your husband on the nose! Do you know how I would do it?!
Since he does not leave, it means that the boy is just "fooling". Well, you play along. Do something that is not expected of you. Iron his date shirt, spray it with perfume. You can put toffee in his pocket. For the niece.
You can think of. This will definitely put him in a stupor.

Anna, age: 44 / 04/30/2015

Hello, Natalia!
I know this pain. Women are no less cruel when they fall in love. Terribly painful! This wound heals much longer than the physical one. You have two paths.
The first - if there is no love left, but only resentment and pain remain. Then you need to file for divorce and divide the property. It is difficult both morally and financially. But you have to at least start. This will sober up my husband a little.
The second - if you still consider him your own and love him, despite his betrayal, try to understand him. If you understand, forgive me. And let go inside of you. Truly, with love. He's fine, let him be happy. Even if not with you. At his age, this is the last sip of passion. He succumbed to it. In this state, many overstep the moral principles. Neither persuasion, nor tears, nor threats will work. The more pressure, the more resistance. Your husband has no future in his new relationship. A year or two at the most. He himself understands this, but hammers it into himself deep into his subconscious. Everything returns like a boomerang in this life.
Natalia, the main thing for you now is to get rid of or at least alleviate this pain. Go to church more often. Help those who are worse than you. Engage in any activity. Be patient. If you can sincerely forgive him and wish him happiness, it will become easier for you. This is true. I have forgiven and let go. And it got easier. Not right away. It rolls in waves: sometimes easier, sometimes worse again. But over time it gets easier and easier.

Vitaly, age: 51 / 04/30/2015

Good afternoon Natalie! I understand you very well, because I experienced the same story, with nuances, of course. Mine went to my cousin, and our common relatives supported them, not me. 6 years have already passed, but it has not let go to the end, it is painful and insulting. Only here it is a pity to spend your life, health, strength on resentment and on experiences. He only thinks about himself, so you think, take care of yourself for your grandchildren, for your children. You need to collect the will, strength, collect things, let him go to the "beloved woman." There, relatives will somehow fuss, warm up. And, of course, you need to go to God. Live for yourself, Natalie! Think of yourself, your sister and niece are sorry. This is how wretched you have to be to find yourself a man with your own aunt, free and decent, too tough for her! Go to the temple, pray and you will survive everything!

Larisa, age: 43 / 04/30/2015

Natalie, hello! Anna has a great idea. If other methods do not work, maybe it's time to take this situation with humor and help your flatmate quickly arrange his personal life? It is in your interests that he finally decides and vacates the living space. After all, you only want him to be happy, right? And he will be happy, you see, you will arrange your personal life.
Natalie, there are so many new and exciting things ahead! You just need to stop looking at your feet, mourning the fragments of past happiness. All that's left of it is garbage. Free your life from old rubbish as soon as possible and with your own hands begin to create new happiness, intended only for you, unique and inimitable, which you have long dreamed of. You deserve it!

Ksenia, age: 42 / 04/30/2015

Natalie, hello.
Yes, it's a big disaster when a husband suddenly turns from the closest person into a constant source of mental pain. But this has already happened, now he is not your ally, you will have to cope with the situation on your own. Get out of the role of a victim, take care of your problems. Solving the housing problem is difficult, but possible. Pray to the holy martyr Tryphon, he personally helped me a lot. Do not evaluate the "wonderful" life of your spouse, it is difficult, I understand you very much, but try to trust God. You can't build happiness on someone else's misfortune, as you know.
And I also advise (if you are baptized, of course) to go to the far-sighted old man Nikon for advice. His words are very cool "clear the brain" and lighten the soul. God help!

Lyudmila, age: 47 / 05/06/2015

What to do when you want to howl and scream from heartache??? and got the best answer

Answer from.[guru]
Take a sedative and go to bed.

Answer from N[guru]
get yourself together first.

Answer from Andrey[guru]
Howl and scream... e. - let off steam ...
In Japan, they put an effigy of the boss in the offices so that everyone can "break" him ... we can do something like that for you too ...

Answer from Evgeny Kushnarev[guru]
in the forest, and ori, maybe the mosquitoes will scatter and the negative will pop out

Answer from Denis Petryakov[active]
Depending on what the reason is, get distracted, walk around your city, look at different places, write on a piece of paper everything that you think, it helps, it all depends on what the pain of the soul is

Answer from The cat that walks by itself[newbie]
The most important thing is not to keep it all to yourself. Negative emotions need to be let out. Take a plain piece of paper and tear it up. Rip it wholeheartedly. Release the negative. Cry. Scream. If you really need support, call a good friend or girlfriend. The main thing is not to keep everything to yourself. And my advice to you is better to break into the void. On things. Which you don't mind. But not in public. They are also alive and are not required to eat your negativity.

Answer from Elena Morozova[guru]
Howl and scream. It helps. Emotions come out.

Answer from Nataly S[guru]
So do it alone with yourself, cry, shout, howl. In the moment of enlightenment, think about how to live on.

Answer from qu qu[guru]
on the swing to swing to the point of stupefaction ha ha

Answer from Ich liebe your husband =)[guru]
endure this terrible time

Answer from Nekit2x2 thick[guru]
I beat a pear, otherwise if I howl, my neighbors will call a psychiatric hospital

Answer from Nina -[guru]
go to the forest and scream there from the heart :-))
At the same time, take a break from all these problems.

Answer from Ўlya Kurmanaevskaya[newbie]
Well I don't know how to answer...

Answer from New day![guru]
Believe, repent, start studying the Bible. God is next to bear the burden of each person. Start praying in your own words, without prayer the soul fades even in good families. The result will not slow down!

Answer from Alexa bolotova[guru]
You still need to choose: a comfortable life or a mat. insecurity, but without mental anguish. You can try to leave for a while, look for yourself.

Answer from Mistress of the Silent Pool![guru]
Calm down and don't despair!

Answer from Aibolit[guru]
Most likely, the problem lies precisely in the lack of a normal sexual life, see "Beware of SEXOPHOBIA!" (18+):
link .
Try to establish sexual relations, and if it doesn’t work out or doesn’t help, still contact a psychologist.
________________________________________________

Answer from Nevils Apa?ais[guru]
if you were my wife...

Answer from auditor[guru]
here someone writes about the Bible... And the fact that God will help. it is, of course, so but not quite. Yes, here the direct answer is to get yourself a lover, a person who, even without love, will want you. A person for whom it is worth dressing well, Waiting for a meeting with him like manna from heaven, and after meeting on the wings to fly home to her husband. And you need to clearly define - the husband is not a stamp in the passport, this is a person who, if he does not love you, but cherishes you, a man for whom intimacy with you is a joy, So, a LOVER. And it often happens that a lover then goes into the category of husbands and you will regret the lost 10 years. Try, keep it up. Good luck

Answer from Vera Aloe[guru]
My problem is that my husband is cheating. They change everything, only sometimes and on the sly. And if you already figured it out, then either be patient, or try to be interesting to him. You can rape him whenever you want. Get on with your life. Try to deprive him of communication with the child on the weekend, go to the museum, cinema, skiing, to his grandmother. Jealousy for a child is a very strong feeling, let it suffer.

Most of us have heard stories of women suffering from postpartum depression. Almost all pregnant women and their families fear that this could happen to them. However, only 0.2% of women suffer from severe depression. Approximately 80% of new mothers experience some degree of depression and cry a lot during the first days and weeks after childbirth, and 10% are somewhere in between: they experience emotional problems for longer, but these problems are not so serious and do not require a long treatment.

postpartum depression and hormones

Childbirth is accompanied by a feeling of euphoria that cannot be compared with anything else in life. Giving birth is already worth it just to experience this wonderful feeling of relief and relaxation. Mom then enjoys a well-deserved rest and wakes up, refreshed, with the feeling that the world is beautiful.

Temporary tearfulness and a feeling of disappointment often appear in the first days after childbirth, especially while the woman is still in the hospital. Therefore, this state is called the "three-day sadness."

During this period, a number of psychological and hormonal changes occur. There may be pain from postoperative sutures, discomfort due to overcrowded breasts, with contraction of the uterus, bloody discharge appears - lochia: everything that the body has created over the past nine months comes out. The abdomen is like an empty bag, and the skin on it looks like crepe paper.

At the same time, hormones - estrogen, progesterone and chorionic gonadotropin, which were needed during pregnancy, are replaced by oxytocin and prolactin, hormones of lactation. As a result of hormonal fluctuations after childbirth, a woman can suffer from severe mood swings, from irritability to depression, from excess energy to apathy - just like during the premenstrual period and menopause.

A few days after the birth of our first child, my husband came to my hospital and found me sitting on the floor in tears, among scattered things. And all because I couldn't find a hairbrush in my bag!

Such swings, which are the result of the enormous physical and emotional effort expended during pregnancy and childbirth, normally pass within a few days.

Advertising

Discharge from the hospital and "three days of sadness"

Dr. Ulla Waldenström from Uppsala University (Sweden) attributes the appearance of apathy and emotional instability to discharge from the hospital. Her study shows that "three-day sadness" is most pronounced a day or two after returning from the hospital.

There is a certain logic in this: it may seem that spending a few extra days in a hospital environment is good for a woman, but in fact, it is difficult to properly relax there.

Amanda, who found herself in a similar situation, recalls: “I gave birth at 2 in the morning, but since I was diagnosed with toxemia (late preeclampsia), after the birth of the child, my pressure was measured every hour. Because of this, I was left in the cold, on a hard and uncomfortable delivery bed, and only at 5 am was transferred to the ward. I happily settled into a relatively comfortable bed, hoping to get some sleep.

But by 5:30 the ward was filled with the cries of feeding babies; and the women who had not received their babies were woken up to have their temperature taken.

By 6:30 everything had calmed down, and just as I was thinking that I could now get an hour's sleep before breakfast, the paperboy came and began offering Telegraph and Express. After breakfast, I got up, took a shower and went to visit my baby, breastfeed her and went back to bed with a drink, hoping to get some sleep before dinner.

But then an unforeseeable rumble of buckets was heard from the corridor, and an army of cleaners burst into the ward, which began to move beds and bedside tables.

And so it went on all day, and in the evening my husband came, and I begged him to take me out of there.

The last time Amanda had a planned home birth, the baby slept next to her, and she could rest between feedings or rock other babies in the bed. No one woke her up to take her temperature, and if her family saw that she was sleeping, they did not go into the room and take care of the children.

Surge of activity and development of depression

The correlation between discharge date and tearfulness or apathy is also understandable because returning home with a newborn is a very difficult experience. The phone rings incessantly, the neighbors come in and, if it is the firstborn, the child somehow feels that he was left in the care of new parents.

It is only natural for women to experience emotional and physical breakdowns during these crazy days. But for some of them, this condition lasts for months, and this affects the woman's sense of self as a mother and her relationship with her husband and family. If PRD lasts more than a couple of weeks, it is worth consulting with specialists: the longer it lasts, the more difficult it is to treat.

“Often the diagnosis is not made on time,” says psychologist Derrick Dodshon, “because it seems that this is a woman’s personal problem: she may seem sloppy, untidy, ignorant, while in fact she is depressed.”

Unfortunately, first aid for such disorders usually comes down to phrases like: “Pull yourself together, now you have to take care of the child” or “You have such a wonderful baby, what are you even complaining about?”.

A woman suffering from PPD may not appear depressed on the outside. She may not cry or be sad, giving the impression of an absolutely happy person. But a careful observer will notice that she is agitated, overly energetic, overly excited, or having trouble sleeping.

Susie had her first child when she was thirty. She was a social worker and was well versed in her own psychological needs, as well as those of her husband and child. She attended a birth preparation course, read all the books and looked forward to the birth.

About a week after giving birth, she called me and told me that life is amazing and she can't sleep even for a moment because she's afraid to miss something! She gave herself a deadline to finish the article and decided to have a big dinner this weekend to celebrate the birth of her baby. She mentioned that, of course, the house needs to be tidied up and that it might be time to repaint the walls in the living room!

I warned Susie and her husband that this increased energy expenditure could lead to exhaustion and advised her to consult her family doctor. Together we were able to "pick up" her a day or two later, at the very moment when her mood plummeted and she sat sobbing in the middle of her living room full of paint buckets, repeating that she couldn't handle it all.

I don't understand how I feel.
It's so hard and bad for me.
I want to cry all the time.
When I get up with blood (it's getting worse lately), when I cook, when I clean up. Even as I write this, I want to cry.
I understand that there are people who are a hundred times worse than me, but
I want to howl and scream how bad I feel. I want to tell someone how I feel. What is disturbing. But who can I tell this to?
Recently, more and more often haunted by the obsessive feeling that I annoy people as soon as I start writing about my problems. Sometimes you want to cut off all contacts, close yourself in a room and never go out and die in the same room from something.
It feels like no one understands. Even if I try to tell something, nothing will come of it, because:
1. As written earlier, it seems that I annoy people.
2. Even if I tell, no one will understand (it seems) =>
The most horrible:
3. Words disappear. I'm trying to tell something about myself, something that's hard for me to say, that's all. My head is empty. I can't say anything at all.
It's getting harder and harder to go anywhere.
For example, in the evening I can cheerfully discuss with a friend that tomorrow we will go shopping, and the next morning I can’t do anything. Usually I try not to cancel all plans, but sometimes I just can’t.
My memory has worsened. I forget what they ask me to do.
And I really want to breathe.
I'm only 15, maybe it's some kind of difficult transitional age?

Support the site:

Alison, age: 15 / 22.07.2018

Responses:

Hello. Yes, honey, this is a difficult, transitional age, you can read articles on this topic on the Internet. But the main thing is that all this will pass, in the future you yourself will wonder why certain things irritated and upset you so much. Drink vitamins, they will give strength. Ask your mom to sign you up with a psychologist. Don't be discouraged! Find yourself more hobbies, hobbies or part-time jobs for the summer. Good luck!

Irina, age: 30 / 07/23/2018

Hello Alison! Why do you think you're annoying people? Do you have a bad relationship with your mom? This is the closest person - you can talk about painful things with her. In general - after all, you can tell the essence of the problems in writing - we will help you somehow, we will listen. It's also great to keep a diary! And write everything that excites you there, pronounce it on paper, so to speak. Believe me, when you read these problems, you will look at them from a different angle. Read more, then the speech will be like a stream. about memory - you can go to the hospital, you can drink some vitamins, do not be afraid of your condition, it is only temporary, and it will definitely pass! Dear, you can go to the temple, talk with the priest - in the sacrament of Confession, tell everything to God - He will always listen and understand, and, most importantly, will help.
Hug you!

Lu, age: 22 / 23.07.2018

Hello dear Alison!

According to your letter, it is felt that you are a creative person with a rich, inner world. This means that this world can contain an abyss of various experiences, doubts, negative emotions in which you can drown ... To make your life more stable, you need to learn how to control your thoughts - after all, negative thoughts destroy you from the inside. Write how often do you think about the negative?.. Bad thoughts bind you, deprive you of hope and immobilize. Moreover, they negatively affect your psycho-emotional state, provide constant stress. From this stress, not only mood worsens, but also memory, and the ability to verbally express one's thoughts, it becomes impossible to concentrate. After all, when there is confusion in the head, and tear in the soul, then what kind of balance can we talk about? ..
But dear, this situation is fixable: just stand in control of your thoughts. Stop allowing negative thoughts into your mind - thoughts of sadness, anger, resentment and other things that negatively affect your well-being. At first it will be difficult - after all, you are used to thinking in a negative way, but over time, you will be able to give up bad thoughts, after which you will feel a surge of vigor, joy and opportunities in yourself. Feed yourself with positive thoughts - become an optimist! After all, optimism charges with vivacity and inner energy, which is necessary for life! Don't turn into a constantly whining old woman, always dissatisfied with life... Change your usual stereotype of thinking. Then you will feel for yourself how your life will change, because thoughts affect feelings, feelings affect actions, and actions determine life!
Good luck! I guarantee you that if you follow this recommendation, your condition will improve.

Zhanna, age: 28 / 24.07.2018

The most important

How to love yourself

Two reasons for self-dislike and overcoming them

Self-love contributes to the improvement of relations with others, and selfishness is the absence of such relations. Self-love is what is called self-acceptance. The better a person treats himself, the better he treats others. The more he accepts himself, the easier it is for him to accept other people, to focus on them.